i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
