a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
