I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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