I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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