i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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