YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize