I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
