You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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