life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
