Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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