I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
