idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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