Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
