There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
