I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I smell like Dick and happiness
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