Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
