She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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