I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
