My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
