One girl and one boy is just not enough.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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