You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize