i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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