so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Fuck appropriateness.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Enjoy the penises
We need to get me chipped asap
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
