Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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