And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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