glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
