we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
