weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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