carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
