So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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