; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this just has baby written all over it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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