Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
