The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
