I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
