I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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