I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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