My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Holy sore nipples Batman
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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