I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
