Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
