pop tarts are not kleenex
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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