You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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