community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
