Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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