I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Alive.
So much puke
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
that is very illegal...i love you.
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