I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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