He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Buhtt sex?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
