Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize