the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When are your genitals available?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
