I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
