and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
