I hate your face
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
