All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
