He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
