i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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