R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
