That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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