i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
