a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
