I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
