We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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