shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
