I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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