Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
