If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
