I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize