He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
