just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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