can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
