he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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