I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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