you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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