We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
