That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
