Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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